


Always Got by On My Own

by Val_Brown



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Denial, M/M, Reconciliation Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-04
Updated: 2011-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-14 10:16:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/148192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val_Brown/pseuds/Val_Brown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: This is a series of ficlets, that tie together to tell one story.<br/>Warnings: excessive amounts of angst, some sex, and lots of self realization.<br/>Notes: each ficlet is led off with lyrics from the Heart song Alone. The idea was from a prompt in the Glam_kink meme. It’s not exactly what the prompt is but it’s what my muse wanted to write.I want to thank [info]thrace_adams  for the hand holding and awesome cheerleading to get me through this thing, it was only meant to be like 1000 words... as you can see it is much longer than that! LOL enjoy</p><p>Comments are love :)</p><p>Prompt:</p><p>So what I want is Adam/Tommy where Tommy is the one doing the pining. Adam needs to be the one separating the 'stage gay' from real life and while he's affectionate he's still just doing his own thing.</p><p>I'd like to see some angsty jealous!Tommy who finally snaps. Maybe after walking in on Adam and a couple pretty boys? (or Adam and Taylor doing something .. they're totally my guilty pleasure.) And maybe Adam has been kind of intentionally playing with Tommy not realizing that Tommy seriously wants him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Got by On My Own

**Author's Note:**

> I also posted this on LJ under my other author name Valress.
> 
> Comments are love :)

_I never really cared until I met you_

At first it was no big deal. He said _“You can touch me and stuff”_ really it shouldn’t have been a big deal. But it was. He tried not to think about the first time he told Adam how he felt. Adam looked at him and chuckled before pushing his hair away from his face and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“You’re drunk, baby,” Adam said before walking away. Staring after Adam, Tommy sighed “ _But I’m not drunk,”_ he whispered at Adam’s retreating back and went to get another drink. Waking up the next morning under Adam’s coffee table didn’t do anything to lessen the embarrassment, or the headache that was crawling up the back of his head. He sat on the couch as Adam laid out the “ground rules”. Touching was okay, on stage, if the music moved them to touch or whatever, they could, on stage. Basically everything could happen on stage. Nodding, Tommy agreed, it was easier that way, besides he wasn’t a sixteen year old anymore, he could tamp down this crush, and everything would be alright. At least that’s what he kept telling himself.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _I’m laying here the rooms pitch dark_

He stared in the mirror and tugged lightly at the black dyed fringe, scowling he grabbed his phone.

 

“Mia, can you help me out?”

 

A little over an hour later, Tommy was shirtless with bleach on his head and half a bottle of red wine sloshing around his system.  He swung his fork around nearly stabbing Mia in the hand. “So he--- he tells me that I don’t know what I’m saying and that I should stick to girls. How does he know what I want?”

 

“TJ, come on, you know he wasn’t being a prick on purpose. He just knows what he has been told, and from the beginning you’ve been straight, and it’s not like you proved that you liked dick. What is he supposed to think?” Mia said as she carefully hauled Tommy to his feet and took the fork from his flailing hand, walking him to the sink so he could lean over and she could rinse the bleach out.

 

“I know, but I told him how I felt at his birthday party. Fuck, I even dressed up for him,” Tommy said as Mia rinsed the bleach out and scrubbed a conditioner into his fried hair. “At the risk of sounding like a tool, what does he want from me?”

 

“How much did you drink before you decided to spill your guts?” Mia asked as she rinsed out the conditioner and wrapped a towel around his head, giving him a knowing look as he stood up.

 

“I wasn’t trashed! I’d only had a couple, until he blew me off, then I got trashed and woke up under his table,” Tommy said as he tossed himself into a chair and covered his face. “Then while nursing a hangover that would reduce Dave to tears, I agreed that what happens on stage, stays on stage.”

 

“Sugar, I don’t know what to tell you. You agreed to his rules, you need to play by them,” Mia said as she put her hand on his shoulder.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _And now it chills me to the bone_

Staring at his reflection in the mirror, he glared. How the hell did he end up in this total clusterfuck? Oh yeah, he was trying to show Adam that two could play the game, the problem was Adam just didn’t get it. He rolled his eyes so hard at the voice coming from the room he nearly knocked himself over.

 

“Tommy? Are we going downstairs?”

 

“Yeah Delmy, give me a minute,” Tommy said as he pushed his hair back and fixed his eyeliner. He knew he had to get this over with, had to introduce her to everyone, and that included Adam. Taking a deep breath he walked out to the room and nodded to her. “I’m ready.”

 

So it wasn’t as bad as he thought. It was still bad, but the world didn’t implode or anything. He just felt like he was lying, which in all honesty he was. But the only one that knew was him, and it made him feel like shit. True, Delmy was only there for a free weekend vacation, god only knows why he invited her. Their relationship had exploded when he found her screwing some random guy on his couch. God he hoped he wasn’t going to make an ass of himself. Walking down to where they were soundchecking, Tommy walked in first and introduced her to LP and Joan, then Monte. All he got was an all knowing look from the older guitarist, to which he smiled sadly and shrugged, before walking over to Adam, with Delmy in tow.

 

“Hey baby,” Adam said as he pulled Tommy in for a hug, before stiffening. “Oh you brought someone?”

 

“Yeah, Adam this is Delmy,” Tommy said softly as he turned and pulled her closer. She immediately tucked against his side and it took everything for him not to pull away and keep his face straight.

 

“Oh, I didn’t know you had a _girl_ friend,” Adam said softly the emphasis on girl, his eyes flashed somewhere between anger and sadness. Tommy couldn’t help but think that Adam started this, and there was no way he was going to feel bad for making him upset.

 

“Oh I’m not his girlfriend,” Delmy said with a laugh, ignoring the pinch Tommy gave her. “I’m just here to hang out and be a supportive friend.”

 

Inwardly he was ready to choke the life out of her, this was not what they had talked about. On the outside, he smiled lightly and made sure not to look at Adam.

 

“Oh I see,” Adam said as he laid a hand on Tommy’s shoulder squeezing slightly and smiling at Delmy. “Well, I have to get on stage, but it was nice meeting you Delmy.”

 

Smiling, Delmy waved as Adam walked off. Turning to Tommy she fixed him with a glare.

 

“Alright Tommy Joe, you wanna explain what the fuck that was?” She said softly, her words cutting sharply as she grabbed his arm and pulled him off to the side of the stage, out of ear and eyeshot of the rest of the band. “Look, I know what we talked about, and I kinda get it, but seriously I am not going to let you use me to hurt him.”

 

“I don’t want to hurt him,” Tommy said softly as he looked down at his fingers, he needed to repaint his fingernails.

 

“Then what the fuck? Did you see his face?” She asked as she grabbed Tommy’s hands. “Look at me, what the hell are you wanting then?”

 

“I want him to want me,” Tommy said softly his eyes automatically flicking over to where Adam was blocking his stage movements with the lighting tech.

 

“Oh honey, you got it bad,” She said softly as she looked over to where he was looking. “Tommy, I know that when we split it was my fault, but let me help you here.”

 

“D, I have already tried to tell him how I feel, he blew me off and laid down the rules. What happens on stage stays on stage,” Tommy said sadly as he turned to walk away.

 

“Tommy Joe Ratliff, you are not going to just walk away from this, I won’t let you. Let me help you out. It might take awhile, but eventually you will get your man,” She said with a smile as she slipped her arm around his waist and began whispering in his ear.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _But the secret is still my own_

“So are you gonna give me a tour of this city or do I have to do it myself?” Tommy asked as they stepped off the elevator. For some reason, he’d tried asking but no one would tell him, he and Adam were sharing a room. Following Adam inside, Tommy barely set his bag down before he felt two large hands on his face. Looking up, he saw Adam staring down at him, his eyes nearly cobalt. Leaning down Adam smiled before pressing the lightest of kisses to the corner of Tommy’s mouth. Looking into Adam’s eyes, Tommy let himself hope. “Adam?”

 

“Shhh, don’t think, just let this happen,” Adam whispered against Tommy’s mouth, his thumbs caressing his cheeks.

 

“Adam, but you said…” Tommy began softly, only to be silenced by Adam’s mouth on his. Falling into the kiss, he whimpered and clutched at Adam’s shoulders. Breaking the kiss, Tommy looked up into blue eyes that had haunted his dreams for the past seven months. “Please don’t hurt me.”

 

“I won’t hurt you, baby,” Adam said as he pushed Tommy’s jacket off and led him to the bed. Adam’s mouth leaving hot trails over Tommy’s neck and jaw. But when Adam had said he wouldn’t hurt Tommy he’d meant physically. Tommy learned that after Adam washed up and crawled into his own bed, leaving Tommy feeling empty and used. Curling tight against himself, Tommy willed himself not to cry.

 

The next morning found Tommy wishing his heart would listen to his head. He could hear Adam in the bathroom humming to himself. Wincing slightly, Tommy stumbled to the bathroom.

 

“Hey sleepy head,” Adam said fondly as he looked at Tommy through the mirror. “You wanna take a shower?”

 

“Yeah, what time do we need to be downstairs” Tommy asked softly as he started the shower and tried not to say out loud what he was thinking.

 

“In an hour,” Adam said as he set his eyeliner on the counter. “About last night,” and with a simple sentence, hurt Tommy more than if he had punched him. “I’m sorry, can we just forget it happened?”

 

Tommy stared at the tile of the shower wall for a moment, just to make sure he wasn’t going to cry. Turning slightly he smiled, “Sure, no big deal,” he said as he stepped into the shower. Scrubbing his hands over his face, Tommy refused to cry. Washing his hair, he let the water flow over his face, mixing with the tears he didn’t even know were there.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _And my love for you is still unknown_

 _~Mt me in my rm, 15 min~_

Tommy stared at the text on his phone, he felt angry, sad and elated all at once. This had become routine. Ever since that night in Helsinki, yeah the one Adam had said to pretend never happened, Adam would text Tommy, and Tommy would go running to him, hoping this was the night Adam would tell him he felt the same way. It never was.

 

With the obligatory dvd in his hand, Tommy walked to the front of the bus, only to be stopped by Monte.

 

“What Monte?” Tommy asked even though he knew what Monte was going to say.

 

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” Monte asked as he looked at the younger man, his emotions written all over his face. Monte had been watching, he watched the interaction between the men. He knew that Tommy had fallen for Adam, but until this moment he hadn’t known how hard.

 

“I can’t help myself, I love him, Monte,” Tommy said sadly as he put his hand on the door and turned back. “Everyone else knows huh?”

 

“Yeah kid, it’s written all over your face,” Monte said sadly as he watched Tommy walk off the bus and dart over to Adam’s. There was no way that this was going to end well, Adam was the most oblivious man on the planet, Tommy could do the Dance of the Seven Veils for Adam, and Adam would still think that they were just “good friends”.  Monte just prepared himself to pick up the pieces of a broken bass player when this exploded.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _You don’t know how long I’ve wanted_

“Yeah, I’m fine. I got my temporary passport and am getting on the plane now,” Tommy said as he found his seat.

 

“Alright, there should be someone waiting for you at the airport. When you get to the hotel come to my room, I slipped my spare key in with yours,” Adam said on the other end of the line.

 

“Okay, I’ll see you in a few hours,” Tommy said as he ended the call and pulled out his iPod. When he got to Singapore, he was going to talk to Adam, to really lay his feelings on the line. He couldn’t keep guessing, between movie nights that were just the two of them, and the escalating on stage antics, Tommy was three levels beyond confused. He needed to know where Adam was with this, because Tommy was done pretending, it was all or nothing.

 

Monte was waiting at the airport.

 

“Hey kid, how you doing?”

 

“I’m fine, just tired as fuck,” Tommy said as he grabbed his bags and followed Monte to the car. He slid in the car and let his head fall against the closed window. “I’m gonna talk to him tonight, Monte.”

 

“Good, he needs to know,” Monte said as he told the driver where to take them, and settled back against the seat.

 

“I’ve told him before, he doesn’t believe me,” Tommy said softly as he glanced down at the phone in his hand, before sucking in a breath and firing off a quick text.

 

 _Hey, Monte jst pcked me up. Be there in 15_

 

“Well, hopefully this time he will listen,” Monte said as the car came to a stop. They stepped out of the car and walked into the hotel. Monte turned to Tommy and handed him an envelope. “Here’s your key, try and get some rest okay?”

 

“I will. See you in the morning,” Tommy said as he headed towards the elevator. He looked at the envelope and saw the extra room key, he hit the button for Adam’s floor. He was going over what he wanted to say when he stopped in front of Adam’s door. Sliding the key in he pushed the door open only to stop abruptly. He knew that Adam wasn’t celibate, he never expected him to be, but Adam was the one that told Tommy to come to his room after he got in, Adam was the one that gave Tommy the extra key. Tommy even gave Adam a heads up that he was on his way back. Tommy swallowed and tried to back out of the room quickly, the last thing he wanted to remember was watching Taylor suck Adam’s dick. He wasn’t fast enough, Adam saw him, and what did the fucker do? He fucking smiled, well that sent Tommy over the edge. “A text letting me know you were busy would’ve probably been easier Adam.”

 

Taylor jerked his head up quickly, looking horrified. “Oh my god, Um… I’m sorry Tommy, I didn’t know, I…”

 

“Hey, don’t worry about it Tay, not your fault, but would you mind giving us a few minutes?” Tommy said softly, the rage in his eyes the only give away as to how angry he was. He wasn’t mad at Taylor, he was angry at himself, and he was angry at Adam for knowing that he was going to walk in on it. Taylor just nodded quickly and stumbled to his feet before heading down to his own room.

 

“What?” Adam asked as he rebuttoned his jeans and stood up.

 

“What? You told me to come to your room after I got in, I even fucking texted you to tell you I was on my way, and I walked in to see that?” Tommy said as he shook his head and tried to keep his voice steady. The last thing he wanted or needed was for Adam to know that he was breaking.

 

“What, did you think I was staying celibate?” Adam asked his voice harsh as he walked over to the mini bar and poured himself a drink.

 

“No, but I thought you would have enough respect for me that you wouldn’t be doing that when you knew I could walk in and see it,” Tommy said as he started pacing the floor, refusing to look at Adam. “I came here to talk to you.”

 

“Really? What about?” Adam asked as he sat down in the same chair as before.

 

“Why did you give me your extra room key?” Tommy asked quietly, all the anger dissipating and turning quickly to hurt.

 

“I don’t know, I thought maybe we could watch a movie or something,” Adam said as he watched Tommy pace the room, pulling at his fingers absently.

 

“You thought we could watch a movie or something,” Tommy repeated softly as he stared at Adam, taking a deep breath he walked over and stood in front of the chair Adam was sitting in, “Do you ever think about what I told you on your birthday?”

 

“When you said you were in love with me?” Adam asked as he drained his glass and set it aside. “You were drunk, you didn’t know what you were saying.”

 

“Wow, Adam, you don’t know shit about that night. I was sober until you basically told me I was just a kid with a crush. I’m not sixteen Adam, I’m twenty eight years old, I knew exactly what I was saying that night,” Tommy said angrily as he started pacing the room again. “That night in Helsinki…”

 

“Please Tommy. Don’t, that never should have happened. It was a mistake,” Adam said as he got up to pour himself another drink. He didn’t see the tears sliding down Tommy’s cheeks.

 

“Alright, I get it.” Tommy whispered almost to himself. “You’ve made yourself loud and clear,” Tommy continued louder as he reached behind his neck and unclasped the necklace Adam gave him and set it on the dresser. “I’m done. I’ll be your friend, everything on stage is fine. But that’s it, I can’t let you keep doing this to me.”

 

“Wait, what?” Adam said as he turned around to see the necklace on the dresser and the door slipping shut. Tommy was gone.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 _To touch your lips and hold you tight_

“Come on Tommy! You’re gonna make us late!” Isaac yelled from the front door. Laughing, Tommy grabbed his jacket and keys and headed out the door. It had been just over a month since Singapore, in that space of time, Tommy had made sure he was never alone with Adam. It was made easier with having Monte or Isaac around most of the time, that way he was never in a position to be alone with Adam. He was glad for that, there was no telling what he would say to Adam if they were alone. Adam hadn’t spoke to him about what happened in Singapore, but he did try and apologize the way he knew how. With music, by playing Tommy’s favorite song as an encore on his birthday, Adam was saying sorry. He gave Tommy the necklace back that night too. There were no words spoken, but Tommy knew what he was trying to say.

 

Walking into the loft, Tommy immediately began searching for Adam. It was the one thing he couldn’t stop himself from doing. It wasn’t hard to spot the man, his hat kind of made him stand out, before he could make any movement over to where Adam was, Tommy saw Taylor curled against his side. Okay, not really surprising, but still it hurt. Tommy didn’t even realize he was biting his lip and growling until there was a soft voice in his ear.

 

“You know, Tom-Cat, you could just mark your territory,”

 

“Brad, please,” Tommy said softly as he looked over at the other man, who was dressed like a, well Tommy had no idea what the hell he was. Brad just shook his head and smiled sadly.

 

“What did he do to you, honey?” Brad asked as he effectively blocked Adam and Taylor from Tommy’s view. He knew that tonight was going to be slightly awkward, more so for Tommy than anyone else.

 

“You know the story right? About what happened in Singapore?” Tommy asked as he looked down at his hands. He was pretty sure everyone knew about what happened in Singapore, he wasn’t exactly subtle, not to mention the absence of Adam’s necklace was kind of a giveaway.

 

“I know what Adam told me. Now you tell me, what happened?” Brad asked as he handed Tommy a drink and led him to a small couch. Sitting down, Brad set a hand on Tommy’s leg. “Come on, honey, what happened?”

 

“Basically he told me that I don’t know what I want, that I’m confused,” Tommy spat bitterly as he watched Adam with his arm curled around Taylor’s waist, fingers disappearing under the hem of his shirt. “What I don’t get is how he can say that to me, but turn around and be okay with Taylor. I mean… fuck, I don’t know what I mean.”

 

“I see,” Brad said softly as he glared over at where Adam was standing, turning back to Tommy he smiled softly and touched his chin. “Hey, look at me, he’s hard to get over. Hell it’s been years and I’m still kinda hung up on the guy. Do you want my help?”

 

“What kind of help?” Tommy asked softly looking over at the younger man. Leaning over Brad pressed a soft kiss to Tommy’s lips.

 

“Just trust me,” Brad said with a smile as he stood up and ran his fingers through Tommy’s hair, before pressing another kiss to his lips and waltzing off into the crowd. Sitting back, Tommy was so busy watching everyone else, he didn’t see Adam until he was looming.

 

“So what was that kiss?” Adam asked stiffly as he glared down at Tommy.

 

“What kiss?” Tommy asked as he looked up at Adam. “Oh you mean with Brad. It was nothing.”

 

“It sure didn’t look like nothing to me,” Adam said as Tommy stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. Before Tommy could respond Lee came around and wanted them to pose for a picture. After Lee left, Tommy glared up at Adam.

 

“You don’t get to be jealous,” Tommy said through his teeth as he gestured toward Taylor, and then looked back up at Adam. “You made yourself loud and clear. You should get back to your date.”

 

Without another word, Tommy turned and walked off, leaving Adam standing alone, watching as Tommy slipped under Terrance’s arm and beamed a bright smile up at the dancer. Adam remembered when he was the only one that got those smiles. Shaking off the burning jealousy, Adam walked back over to where Taylor was standing and slipped his arm around the younger man’s waist, stealing one last glance over at Tommy, who was now happily dancing with Terrance, and sighed heavily. That should be him with Tommy, but somehow he’d managed to screw everything up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 _I wonder where you are tonight_

Tommy jumped as he felt his phone buzz, pulling it out he saw he had a text.

 

 _He’ll meet you downstairs at 9. His name is Jared_

Tommy stared at his phone, and muttered a quiet _“shit”_ before firing off a response

 

 _Damn it Brad!_

Less than a minute later came the response

 

 _Oh honey, suck it up and go meet him. Trust me, remember, just trust me_

Sighing, Tommy checked the time, he had less that fifteen minutes before he was supposed to meet this guy. He checked his makeup and hair before grabbing his wallet and keycard off the dresser. As he stepped off the elevator he saw the guy. He just knew it was Jared, Brad had his type down to a T.  Tommy took a deep breath and walked up to the guy.

 

“Jared?” Tommy said as he looked up into bright green eyes.

 

“Tommy, right? Brad sent me a picture,” He said as he smiled and held out his hand.

 

 Sliding his hand into Jared’s Tommy smiled.“So what’s the plan?” Tommy asked as Jared led them out to his car. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, it wasn’t just Adam he was attracted to.

 

“I was thinking a nice dinner, maybe get to know each other better,” Jared said his accent soft as he smiled over at Tommy, before pulling onto the road. Tommy smiled and settled back in his seat. They reached the small restaurant and for once Tommy was glad to go unnoticed. They were led to a small booth, settling back, Tommy let Jared order for him. The conversation was easy, it never went back to Adam, in fact it was like Adam didn’t even exist in this little piece of the world.

 

“Thank you Jared, tonight was wonderful,” Tommy said as they sat in the car, he looked over and pushed his hair behind his ear. “So… um.. do you wanna come up to my room?”

 

Reaching his room, Tommy slid the key in the door, he could feel Jared warm along his back. Getting the door open, they both walked in, turning Tommy looked up at Jared and reached out to lightly touch his face. Leaning down, Jared softly pressed their lips together. Kissing Jared was nothing like kissing Adam. Adam dominated every aspect of the kiss, Jared didn’t. He let Tommy take the lead. It was Tommy that tugged Jared’s shirt from the waist of his slacks, fingers deftly popping the buttons open so he could slide his hands inside. It was Tommy that pressed Jared to the bed, crawling so he was straddling Jared’s hips.

 

“Are you sure?” Jared asked as Tommy began working his belt open. Not saying anything Tommy just pulled Jared’s pants off and dropped them on the floor before standing so he could strip out of his own clothes. Grabbing what he needed, Tommy slipped between Jared’s thighs and let his breath ghost over his cock.

 

“I’m more than sure,” Tommy said as he licked a strip up Jared’s cock, making him shudder before swallowing him down. Tommy bobbed his head a few times before pulling off and looking up at Jared. He grabbed the lube and poured some on his fingers. Not speaking a word he leaned back and slipped two fingers quickly inside himself, working himself open he looked down at Jared who was gripping his own cock tightly. Slipping a third finger inside, Tommy reached back and grabbed the condom sliding it in Jared’s free hand. Taking the hint, Jared tore the wrapper off and rolled it on, slicking himself with more lube. Tommy let his fingers slip out and he slipped back over Jared’s hips, grasping his cock he lined up and slid down slowly, his breath catching in his throat. “Oh my god”

 

Wrapping his arms around Tommy, Jared braced his feet on the bed and started thrusting, pulling Tommy down he caught the first moans between their open mouths. Tommy lifted up slightly and slid down, trapping his own cock between their bodies. _“Please, harder ,please”_ Tommy moaned against Jared’s throat, his teeth nipping. Holding tight to Tommy, Jared flipped them quickly grabbing Tommy’s thighs and pulling them up and back, opening Tommy up so Jared could really go at him. Wrapping his hand around Tommy’s cock, Jared jerked him off. Tommy came crying out Jared’s name, moments later Jared came, collapsing on top of Tommy. After catching his breath, Jared slowly pulled out of Tommy and got rid of the condom. Coming back from the bathroom he had a washcloth to clean Tommy with, as he wiped the come from Tommy’s chest, Jared smiled.

 

“Stay the night,” Tommy said softly as he gripped Jared’s wrist. Nodding once, Jared tossed the cloth towards the bathroom, and slipped under the covers pulling Tommy close. Curling against Jared, Tommy smiled and pressed a kiss to his chest, before closing his eyes.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _And I was gonna tell you tonight_

Tommy moaned as he rolled over, opening his eyes he smiled. Jared was curled around him, snoring softly. A sharp knock on the door drew Tommy out of his reverie. Quietly slipping from the bed, he pulled on his briefs before opening the door.

 

“Yeah?” Tommy said as he stood in the open doorway, staring at a shocked Adam. “Can I help you?”

 

“I… uh… breakfast?” Adam stuttered out as he raked his eyes over Tommy’s nearly naked body. Before Tommy could answer Jared called out.

 

“Tommy, is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah Jared, everything is fine. I’m coming back to bed,” Tommy said as he looked over his shoulder. Looking back at Adam, Tommy couldn’t help but feel smug at the look on Adam’s face. “Sorry Adam, I already have plans for breakfast.”

 

“Oh, okay. Um, I guess I’ll see you at soundcheck,” Adam said as Tommy nodded and shut the door. Staring at the closed door, he could hear muffled voices, then a soft moan that sounded very familiar. Pulling out his phone, Adam called his number one. “Brad, I need to talk to you about Tommy.”

 

“What about Tommy?” Brad asked, his voice tinny over the phone.

 

“I went to get him for breakfast and he had a guy in his room,” Adam said as he ran his hand through his hair.

 

“So he must have had a good date last night,” Brad said smiling to himself. He knew Jared was perfect.

 

“But… it’s a guy… I thought…” Adam stuttered as he paced the room. “He’s not…”

 

“Wait, Adam are you really venting to me about Tommy having a guy in his room? You told me yourself that you were going to keep it strictly friends. What the hell is this?” Brad asked getting irritated.

 

“Brad, you don’t understand…” Adam tried to say, but a pissed off Brad interrupted him.

 

“I do understand. That man is head over heels crazy in love with you. And what do you do? You patronize him, you fuck him, then tell him to forget it happened. You string him along for MONTHS, then let him walk in on you getting your dick sucked. Stop me if I’m wrong,” Brad spat angrily through the phone. “And now that he found a man that isn’t you, you are going to lay claim? I don’t fucking think so!”

 

Adam stared down at his suddenly silent phone. Brad hung up on him, he hadn’t done that in years. Suddenly not hungry, Adam went back to his room. He realized how selfish he was being. Everything he had done had pushed Tommy further away. How was he going to fix this?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 _And the night goes by so very slow_

Adam was standing on stage when Tommy walked in with _him._ Adam watched them, he had to admit, Tommy looked happy tucked against the taller man’s side. Taking a deep breath, Adam stepped off the stage and headed to where Tommy was standing talking to Isaac.

 

Looking over Isaac’s shoulder Tommy saw Adam walking over and tightened his arm around Jared’s waist. Just patting Tommy’s hand, Jared looked down and gave him a small kiss. Straightening up Jared smiled as Adam walked up to them.

 

“Tommy,” Adam said as he walked up and smiled tightly. “Who’s your friend?”

 

“Adam this is Jared, Jared this is Adam,” Tommy said as he smiled up at Jared then over at Adam. Adam couldn’t help but feel jealous. He wanted to be the reason Tommy smiled like that, he wanted Tommy to look at him like… _Oh, Tommy used to look at him like that. Fuck, what did he do?_

 

“Nice to meet you Jared,” Adam said as he held out his hand.

 

“You too,” Jared said before looking down at Tommy. “I’m gonna leave you here to do your thing, I’ll see you tonight okay?”

 

“Okay,” Tommy said with a smile as he leaned up to kiss Jared softly. He watched Jared walk away before turning to see Adam trying very hard not to look angry. “What?”

 

“Nothing, he’s good looking,” Adam said stiffly as he turned to walk back to the stage. He wasn’t lying, Jared was a good looking guy. Adam wasn’t sure why that bothered him so much.

 

“You’re jealous,” Tommy said matter of factly as he walked past Adam to the stage. He smirked as he picked up his bass and slung it across his chest. Idly plucking at the strings he felt Adam at his back before he heard him.

 

“Maybe, is that your plan?” Adam asked as he let his fingers skim over Tommy’s bare arms. Feeling Tommy shiver, Adam smiled.

 

“You don’t have that right,” Tommy said as he pulled his arm away and took a step forward, getting out of Adam’s space.

 

“I know, but I still feel it,” Adam said as he walked to the center of the stage and grabbed his mic. Tommy was right, that didn’t mean Adam was going to sit back and watch Tommy slip away. He was going to win him back, he just had to figure out how.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _I never really cared till I met you_

 

“Are you sure you have to go back?” Tommy asked as he tightened his arm around Jared’s chest and buried his face in his throat.

 

“I’m sure, baby,” Jared said as he tilted Tommy’s chin so he could press a kiss to his lips. “Besides, you have to deal with Adam. Don’t look at me like that. I’m not blind, I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him.”

 

“Jared…” Tommy said softly as he sat up. He didn’t want Jared to leave with things like this.

 

“Hey, baby, listen to me,” Jared said as he sat up and pulled Tommy into his lap, running his hands over Tommy’s back. “We’re good together, we have fun, we both laugh. But I’ve seen you and Adam. Babe, my god, that’s something special. He fucked up, I know, but I can see he’s trying. Don’t shut him out.”

 

“But he played me for so long,” Tommy said softly as he ran his fingers over Jared’s chest. “I just don’t want that kind of hurt again.”

 

“Tommy, look at me,” Jared said as he tilted Tommy’s head up. “It hurts so bad because you love him, don’t just give in though, make him earn it.”

 

Nodding, Tommy smiled and pressed a kiss to Jared’s lips. “Thank you for understanding, and listening.”

 

“That’s what I’m here for,” Jared said as he smiled down at Tommy. “Now we need to get up and get ready to go.”

 

“Think we have enough time for a shower?” Tommy said as he cocked his eyebrow at Jared. Laughing Jared grabbed Tommy’s hand and pulled him out of the bed and toward the bathroom.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _And my love for you is still my own_

 

“So, you look happy,” Sutan said as Tommy settled in the chair. Smiling up at Sutan, Tommy nodded. “Jared was good for you, you needed whatever he gave to you.”

 

“Yeah, I did. He helped me realize a few things,” Tommy said as he turned his face towards Sutan. Neither man saw Adam standing in the doorway.

 

“Oh he did? Like what?” Sutan asked as he brushed the foundation across Tommy’s face.

 

“That whatever Adam and I have, as fucked up as it is, is special. That no one will make me feel like Adam makes me feel,” Tommy said softly as Sutan began working on his eyes. “But that I can’t just forgive him for doing what he did. He has to earn it back.”

 

“He’s a smart man,” Sutan said as he grabbed the gloss and painted it over Tommy’s lips. Before Sutan noticed him, Adam slipped out the open door and headed back to his dressing room. What Tommy said was right, he couldn’t just forgive Adam. Adam made a vow to himself, he would win Tommy back.

 

~~~~~

 

The kiss during Fever was expected, the kiss during Purple Haze not a surprise, but kinda unexpected. It was the one during Whole Lotta Love that floored Tommy. Usually Adam was front and center, moaning and snake charming the crowd. But this time he was perched on the platform behind Tommy. Leaning against Adam’s leg, Tommy looked over and before he knew it he was bent backwards over the platform, and Adam was everywhere. It took a moment for Tommy to remember they were on stage, breaking the kiss Adam looked slightly apologetic before finishing the song. That was more than enough time for Tommy to get fired up.

 

Pulling his stage costume off, Tommy muttered to himself. “How dare he do that! I’m not a fucking toy!”

 

“Who said you were a toy?” Adam asked as he walked in, shutting the door and pulling his vest open. Tommy whipped around and glared at Adam.

 

“What the fuck was that?” Tommy asked angrily as he stalked toward Adam, not even bothering to pull on a shirt.

 

“What are you talking about?” Adam asked as he slipped the vest off and hung it up. Turning around he found an angry Tommy right in front of him. An angry, shirtless Tommy who hadn’t bothered to button his pants and it seemed was neglecting underwear as well.

 

“That last kiss what the fuck was that?” Tommy asked as he got right up in Adam’s face. He was angry and confused, two things he hated being.

 

“The way you looked back at me, I just thought…” Adam said as he forcefully dragged his eyes back up to Tommy’s face. “I just thought we were good again.”

 

“You thought… You’re fucking kidding right?” Tommy said as he turned around and ran his hand through his hair.

 

“No I’m not! What the fuck do you want me to do? I have done everything I can think of to fix this! I have vocally apologized too many times to count, not to mention all the one-on-one time I’ve had  scheduled for us. The time we spent in Germany was a bitch to schedule but I did it so I could fix this with you!” Adam yelled angrily as he moved toward Tommy. The smaller man glared up at him, one hand still in his hair, the other fisted at his side.

 

“You think ten days of ass kissing is going to fix everything?” Tommy asked as he backed into the wall, looking up he saw Adam just watching him, his eyes not giving anything away. “You’ve been jerking me around since that night in Helsinki. I can’t just let that go!”

 

“No one is asking you to forget it Tommy, just give me a fucking chance!” Adam said as he crowded Tommy into the wall, one hand on each side of his head, trapping Tommy between him and the wall. Letting go of his hair, Tommy glared up at Adam before fisting his hands in the front of his shirt.

 

“I’m still pissed at you,” Tommy said before he surged up to smash his lips against Adam’s. He felt Adam give in for a moment before he pulled back.

 

“I know baby,” Adam said before he slipped one hand around Tommy’s waist, the other sliding into the open fly of Tommy’s jeans.

 

“Don’t call me baby,” Tommy growled as Adam’s right hand curled around his cock while his left shoved Tommy’s jeans down. Pulling at Adam’s pants, Tommy heard the seam rip, and the button hit the floor, with a satisfied snarl Tommy shoved them out of his way. “You better have shit.”

 

“Yeah, in my bag… but…” Adam said as Tommy shoved him backwards toward the couch. Kicking off his jeans Tommy went to Adam’s bag and pulled out what he needed.

 

“Don’t fucking talk,” Tommy growled as he straddled Adam’s knees, two fingers already working himself open while the other hand was pressed against Adam’s chest. Reaching over Tommy grabbed the condom he had and slapped it against Adam’s chest. “Put it on, now.”

 

His hands shaking, Adam did what Tommy told him to. Before he could even catch his breath Tommy was kneeling over him, one hand on the back of the couch the other grasped tightly around Adam’s cock, slowly lowering himself until he was seated fully in Adam’s lap. Taking a deep breath, Tommy slowly began rocking back and forth, his hands gripped the back of the couch, his bottom lip tight between his teeth. Letting his head fall back, Adam took a chance and grasped Tommy’s hips, rotating his own up and drawing a groan from Tommy. Lifting up, Tommy opened his eyes and glared at Adam before slamming back down, making Adam nearly scream.

 

“Don’t move,” Tommy warned as he began riding Adam faster, lifting himself and dropping back down. His thighs started to shake, he could feel Adam getting closer, reaching for Adam’s hand he placed it on his cock. “Make me come.”

 

Looking down at his own hand, Adam did just that. One hand on Tommy’s back, the other sliding over Tommy’s cock. Biting his own lip hard enough to taste blood, he felt Tommy clench tight and come over his hand. The feeling of Tommy clenching around him pushed Adam over the edge, tensing Adam groaned and came hard. Adam sat back as Tommy slipped off his lap and took care of the condom. Coming back in from the bathroom Tommy tossed Adam a cloth.

 

“Wipe up, we still need to talk,” Tommy said as he slipped his jeans back on and grabbed his shirt. Sitting down Tommy pulled on his socks and boots before grabbing his hoodie. “We’re gonna talk at the hotel, so give me your extra key.”

 

Wiping his belly, Adam tossed the cloth back into the bathroom and grabbed his pants. Sliding them over his hips, Adam reached into his pocket and grabbed the extra key, handing it to Tommy. Adam was still pulling on his shirt when the door shut, leaving him alone. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed his things and headed out the door to the waiting crowd.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tommy was in Adam’s room when he walked in. Curled in a chair with a glass of whiskey, calmly waiting, Tommy looked up when the door shut.

 

“Sit down please,” Tommy said nodding toward the empty chair, as he stood up and walked to the small bar, pouring Adam a vodka tonic. Turning back, Tommy smiled lightly. “I need you to listen to me, and not talk. Can you do that Adam?”

 

“Yeah, I can do that,” Adam said as Tommy handed him the drink then settled back into his chair.

 

“First, that night in Helsinki, it was the best night of my life. Then you left me to sleep alone, and then the next morning told me to forget it ever happened. I couldn’t understand what I did wrong. Then you were texting me, and wanting to watch movies, which more often than not led to making out, sometimes more. I was so confused, during the day you were just my friend, but at night,” Tommy said with a sigh. “At night it was different, it was like how I wanted it to be.”

 

Adam sat back, his drink forgotten. He had no idea he’d been twisting Tommy up like that. If he had listened to Tommy, or Monte or fuck even Brad, he would have known, and it never would have gotten to this point.

 

“Then Singapore happened. I still don’t understand why you did that,” Tommy said as he set his drink down and crawled into Adam’s lap. “Why did you do it?”

 

“I don’t know, I really don’t. Everything I feel for you is heavy. I have never felt like someone owns me, but I feel like you do. I didn’t realize it until you walked out that night and I saw this,” Adam said his fingers touching the black necklace hanging from Tommy’s neck. “Sitting on the dresser. In that instant, I felt my world crumble. I didn’t realize that, as much as I denied it, we were together. I knew I loved you, I just didn’t know I was _in_ love with you until that night. Then Halloween came, and I saw you and Brad, and then you and Terrance. I felt like such a fool.”

 

“Good, you were an asshole,” Tommy said as he pressed a kiss just behind Adam’s ear.

 

“Then in Finland, when I went to get you for breakfast and Jared was there? I have never felt anything like that before. I was so angry, I called Brad,” Adam said as he let his head fall to the side giving Tommy more room. “He promptly told me I was being an asshole and hung up on me.”

 

“Jared told me to give you a chance,” Tommy said in Adam’s ear as he shifted his weight so he was straddling Adam’s legs. “He said we have something special, and to not let it get away.”

 

“God baby, I am so sorry!” Adam said as he grabbed Tommy’s face, looking in his eyes. Gently he pressed his lips to Tommy’s. Slowly, Adam started pulling Tommy’s clothes off, worshipping every inch of skin that was exposed. Making up for lost time, making up for all the things that he’d done, and making up for all the things he’d said. Telling Tommy he loved him with just his lips and hands. “Stand up, let’s go to the bed,” Adam said softly.

 

Moving towards the bed, Tommy pulled his jeans off and crawled onto the bed. Adam stood at the foot of the bed and just looked at Tommy. Slowly he made his way up the bed, pausing to press a kiss to Tommy’s calf, the back of his knee, the soft skin where Tommy’s thigh and hip met. Pressing a kiss to the underside of Tommy’s jaw, Adam looked in his eyes and whispered against his lips. “I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.”

 

“I know, Adam, I know,” Tommy said softly as Adam’s mouth covered his. Hands began memorizing again, Adam fit himself between Tommy’s legs, his hands sliding over the soft skin of his thighs, thumbs dipping down. 

 

“Let me grab what I need,” Adam whispered as he slipped off the bed quickly. Digging through his bag, Adam found the lube and some condoms and slipped back onto the bed. Pouring lube on his fingers, Adam smiled as he leaned down to capture Tommy’s mouth with his.  He slid two fingers inside Tommy, curling them, making Tommy gasp against his lips.

 

“More, please,” Tommy breathed out as his fingers clutched at Adam’s back. Letting his fingers slip out, Adam grabbed the condom and rolled it on. As he felt Adam lining up and sliding all the way in, Tommy sighed and wrapped his arms and legs around him, pulling him close. Rocking together, Adam whispered. _“I love you, love you, loveyou, only you Tommy”_

 

Tommy whispered it back. _“I love you, always you”_

 

Tangled together afterwards, Tommy lifted his head from Adam’s chest and smiled. “It’s always been you.”

 

“I meant it when I said it Tommy, I will do everything in my power to make this perfect.  I promise,” Adam said as he leaned down to kiss the lips that were right there. He knew it would take time to fix what he broke, that it wasn’t anywhere near where they both wanted it to be right now, but it was a start. He got to start over.


End file.
